


Not By Himself

by Anonymous



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - No Squips (Be More Chill), Friendship, Gen, Male Friendship, POV Second Person, slightly shippy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:14:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23565892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Relationships: Jeremy Heere & Michael Mell
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2
Collections: Anonymous





	Not By Himself

As Jake walks away to who-knows-where, you laugh to yourself and take another swig of beer from your Solo cup, discreetly pouring the rest into the sink behind you. You then turn back to your best friend, favorite person, all-your-BS-withstander, Michael. You're more than ready to continue your interrupted conversation about a band he recently introduced you to, but you notice that something is… off about him. He’s oddly tense, worrying at his lower lip with his teeth and glaring at whatever is in his cup like it just murdered somebody. In summary, he looks… flighty, like he's ready to jump out the window and leave at any second.

“Hey, I think I'm gonna, uh, go and try to calm down for a bit. Catch ya later.” Michael's strained voice snaps you out of your reverie. You lamely stare after him and just watch his brisk footsteps as he hurries away as your brain processes his words. It all clicks into place, and that's when you realize that you're a terrible best friend, because you should have known in that moment that Michael is having a  _ panic attack _ and  _ ohGodohGodohGod _ you need to get to him. You push your way through hordes of drunken teenagers, muttering apologies as you go, and ask the person closest to you when you finally escape where Michael is. They point to a room just to your left, and you thank them profusely. You knock on the door.

“Oh, Hell yeah, I'll be out soon!” Michael snaps.  _ Calm down, he just doesn't know that it's you, _ you think to yourself. You talk instead of knocking this time.

“Hey, Michael, it's me. You ok?” You press your ear to the wall separating the two of you, straining to hear any indication that your best friend is safe. Silence. Some heavy breathing, then silence again. Then, the click of the lock turning, and the creak of the door as it opens just wide enough for you to enter what you now know to be the bathroom.

You slip inside and slide your back down the wall so that you're sitting next to Michael, who's hugging his knees. He's not talking to you, but you don't mind waiting; you know that he gets quiet during his attacks. The sight of your best friend being so anxiety ridden makes you want to hug him, but you don't. Instead, you wait for Michael to initiate any contact between the two of you- from your own experience, you know not to touch people suddenly during their attacks. You're incredibly comforted when you feel the familiar weight of his head on your shoulder and the light pressure of his arms wrapped around you.

“S-sorry for abandoning you back there,” Michael says, muffled by the fabric of his sweater, “but it was just... kind of a lot, y'know? And, like, Jake and Rich and everyone else bullied us for  _ years _ before you became friends with them, so I'm still kind of on edge around them, and- and it's not like I don't trust you, but…” he cuts himself off with a sigh.

“Don't even worry about it, dude, I totally understand.” You pause. “Hey, you wanna blow this pop stand? Maybe go back to your place and play some Apocalypse of the Damned?”

“...yeah, let's go. I don't like parties much anyway.” Michael lifts his face up, and his eyes are still red, but he's grinning at you, which is definitely an improvement from earlier. You smile back at him and help him up.

“You didn't say that at, well,  _ all _ of my birthday parties.” you rebut, affectionately nudging Michael with your shoulder.

“Yeah, ‘cause you've been the only other one there besides me!”

“Fair point.” You chuckle. “Y'know what? Screw this place, everyone else can  _ wait _ for me to talk to them. Before, I wanted to talk to Christine, but right now, I just wanna spend time with my  _ favorite person _ .”

“You're a dweeb.”

“Takes one to know one.” You open the bathroom door for the both of you and don't let go of Michael's wrist as you pull him through the crowd. (Tipsy you files away the fact that you still haven't let go even after you reach the door for sober you to deal with.)

“Hey, uh, dude? You can let go of my wrist; you're kinda hurting me.” Michael chuckles, and you sheepishly let go.

“Heh, sorry.”

“S’alright.” A comfortable silence blankets both of you as you and Michael walk back to your car, steps in sync. In that moment, you know more than ever that whatever life throws at you, Michael will have your back, and you'll have his, no matter what.


End file.
